Afterglow
by Ukyou Kuonji
Summary: In the wake of the events of Episode 18 (Shin Ka), Miyazawa and Arima reflect on what they have done, and how they feel about it.


Such a long silence... and now, this...  
  
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AFTERGLOW  
a Kareshi Kanojo no Jijou fanfiction  
by Ukyou Kuonji  
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Based on the events of Episode 18.0: "Shin Ka" (Evolution). Those who dislike spoilers should stop right here, I'm afraid.  
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This is a lime... nothing's spelled out explicitly as far as action goes, but I think it's pretty clear what they've done. Are doing. Whatever.  
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What is it like...?  
  
It's so hard to say. It's not what I expected... but what did I expect?  
  
Movies and romance novels tell you the earth moves beneath you when it happens. Maho told me that it hurt like hell her first time.  
  
It didn't.  
  
Why?  
  
I don't know. Maybe it's because it's Arima.  
  
What was it like? You might as well ask what it was like when he first said it: "I would like to make love with you..." It was an eye-opener; I mean, we'd never done much more than kiss each other before. We're both almost afraid to touch each other... why is that? Are we afraid that the other is going to pop and disappear, like a dream, like a bubble?  
  
Maybe... I know I used to worry he might reject me if I gave too much of my heart to him, so I would run away. Ironic, isn't it? I could have lost him, if I kept running away.  
  
Thank Kami he chased after me... otherwise, I would never have had the chance to feel this.  
  
But what is it I feel?  
  
I can't explain it. I don't think I can think about how it feels, physically. It's just... warm. His breath on my shoulder, his hands clutching my arms, his hips against mine, his...  
  
So difficult, it's been, to even bring ourselves to hold hands. I think it's what always made it so special, to feel his touch. I *knew* I was special to him, then.  
  
And now... I can feel him touching me everywhere. He's holding my hand all over my body... even in my deepest part. He's holding my hand... even there...  
  
Oh...  
  
We're not crying out each other's names... we're hardly making a sound. It's not that we're afraid his parents might burst in on us - they aren't going to be home at all today. Arima was so worried about that, too... he knew what he'd do, given the chance and an empty house and us together in it.  
  
But he knew that I knew it, too... and when I said 'yes' to going to his home, we both knew what was going to happen...  
  
Well, we knew what was going to happen *physically*... no one can anticipate what happens to the soul...  
  
This afternoon, we are two souls, bound together as one. We are holding each other's heart, pressed tightly against our own. There is no need to cry out his name, nor he mine... there is no need for words.  
  
There isn't even a place for words.  
  
How can I describe it?  
  
An image... I am a child, running free and wild in a meadow, tall grass tickling my shins. The wind blows against my face as I run, barefoot and innocent. Suddenly, there's a gust, and my hat goes flying. Into the air, like a kite, with the ribbon trailing behind it like a tail. It's gone.  
  
And then a hand reaches up, and the hat slowly drifts down to it. As if it knew it belonged in the hand of... this other child. This boy with kind and gentle eyes and winsome smile. This...  
  
...Arima.  
  
That's what it's like. I've lost something, am losing something... but Arima has it now, so it's alright. Just like that hat, I belong here, in Arima's hands, in his arms, in his... everything.  
  
It's alright.  
  
***  
  
So... do you feel happy now?  
  
"Wha...? Who are you?"  
  
You know who I am before you ask: I am you. Now, answer my question: are you happy now?  
  
"Shouldn't I be?"  
  
Oh, of course. Your whole family hates you...  
  
"My parents don't."  
  
You mean your uncle and aunt.  
  
"I mean my *mother* and *father*."  
  
You mean your *adoptive* mother and father.  
  
"..."  
  
You're right, of course. They don't hate you. I heard them as they defended you in front of your entire family. And how do you thank them? By boffing some girl right here in their house.  
  
"It's not 'boffing'..."  
  
I *know* what *you* called it. 'Making love', right? Face it, if there isn't any love between you two to begin with, what you two just did didn't *make* any.  
  
"And what makes you so sure there isn't love between us, and this wasn't just the full expression of it?"  
  
...  
  
"You can't answer that one, because you *know* she loves me. I AM loved -"  
  
You're not worthy of her, and you know it. You're 'Reiji's boy', remember?  
  
"I am NOT my father's son!"  
  
Oh, but you are. The question is, who's your daddy now?  
  
"..."   
  
*creak*pad*pad*pad*  
  
Running away again?  
  
"NO... I'm going to make something for us to eat."  
  
Us? I am you, remember?  
  
"I mean *Miyasawa-san* and me. My girlfriend, remember? No... my... my *lover*. And get this straight: if I hear another peep out of you, I swear, I'll brain you with the skillet."  
  
Even if it means braining yourself.  
  
"Damn straight. I'd rather club myself into unconsciousness than listen to you."  
  
==========  
  
Disclaimer: Kareshi Kanojo no Jijou is the creation of Tsuda Masami, and the manga rights and distribution is handled by Hakusensha. Anime rights are held by Gainax and tRSI (in North America)  
  
Richard Lawson introduced me to this series at AnimeIowa99 with the assertion that this was 'the most well-written anime... no, the most well-written *show*... I have ever seen.' High praise, especially from one who knows writing. At the time, he expressed a desire to write a KareKano fanfic, but was concerned that the writing of the show itself was so superior as to preclude the possibility of anything decent being produced, even by one so illustrious as him.  
  
I'm not sure I would agree with that. It's a well-written series, to be sure, but what makes it for me is the marriage of viscereal and auditory cues to a fine script. The way the music and the animation work together with the story is what makes this show so wondrous. Of course, that doesn't make any eaiser to write a fanfic; in fact, it makes it harder, since one *knows* one doesn't have the luxury of animation and soundtrack to support the story.  
  
So I'm writing a ruminative to parallel one of the turning points, along with my interpretations of what Anno-san shows us while Miyazawa and Arima make love. They're not the typical footage symbolic of such activity, after all... but they do make a sort of strange and poignant sense. Although it does seem sacriligious to even attempt this... like Miyazawa says, words may not be necessary or even desirable...  
  
As for Arima... well, I think I made him a little too forceful. He's a hard one to get inside. Granted, it's balanced off by making his alter ego more cutting than in the anime, too, but his victory here is a bit facile. But, it's the best I can do in a single day's work, though, and I really wanted to get this written before it left me. I hope y'all enjoy it.  
  
Itsu mo,  
Ucchan ^_^ 


End file.
